A while ago, I wrote about my surgery, and in a post prior to that, I wrote about the years leading up to it (see below for links). What has live been like since The Operation (as people used to call it then)?
It took a
good couple of months after I came home from surgery to recover from it. It
takes time for the body to heal and strengthen, and it felt as though it was
taking forever to get the effects of the anaesthetic out of my system, to be
able to walk properly again(!) and to be ready to look for work again. Gender
reassignment is major surgery with (then, at least) a week-long fast thrown in
for good measure, so your body goes through a lot. I was very fortunate - my
boyfriend was an absolute wonder, looking after me and walking the dogs (solo
recovery can’t be easy, and I am in awe of anyone who manages it). My GP was
supportive and wonderful, and the pharmacists were fascinated by the quantity
of (let the Reader understand) a famous lubricating jelly I was prescribed for
my aftercare.
A good few
years have passed since my surgery now. Actually,
it’s been more than three decades, more than long enough to look back and think
about things and about how life has been in the long term. Was it the right
thing for me? Do I regret it? Have I ever wanted to detransition? Has life been
good?
Quick reminder: No-one transitions to be trans. We go through it all to be the person we’ve always known we are — in my case, a woman. I am a woman. That’s all. That’s the tweet, as they say.
Even with
all it has entailed, it was unquestionably the right thing for me; if I hadn’t
transitioned, I certainly wouldn’t have had the life I have. I honestly believe
that at best, I’d have bumped miserably along the bottom of life’s river. At
worst and quite possibly — like all too many trans people who “unalive”
themselves — I wouldn’t be here now. I have never, ever regretted transitioning
or anything it entailed. Not for one
moment have I ever, pre- or post-surgery, wanted to detransition.
Has life
been a bed of thornless roses? No, of course not. I am a human being and life
happens. Good things and bad, but the bad things are the same ones that happen
to anyone and everyone - family bereavements, spells where work isn’t what
you’d hoped, weight gain, money sometimes being tight… You get the picture; the
point is that these things are not the result of being transsexual.
I had finished an IT training course just before I’d gone into hospital, and the skills I gained from it stood me in good stead. Within a few months, I found myself working in a scientific data input role, and I loved what I was learning as I went along, with colleagues who were always eager to share knowledge and enthusiasm. I went on to do a science degree (in Earth sciences, seeing as you ask) which has enabled and shaped my career ever since. Science has continued to fascinate me, so I try to keep up with current research and new discoveries in my field.
My boyfriend
and I made our home together properly a few months after my surgery and have
grown old(er) together in the years since. He is now retired, and I’m
looking forward to joining him. It won’t be a time of idleness; there are
Projects planned. We also both want to travel more and, if money were no
object, there are so many places we haven’t yet been - to see cherry blossom in
Japan, Mexico’s Copper Canyon Railway, the Southern Alps in New Zealand, to
spend a month or so more in Austria and to explore Vienna, to visit the places
in Sicily where Montalbano was filmed…
The social
and legal context of trans lives has been almost constantly changing. You will know from my previous posts (if not
from your own life or the lives of transgender friends) that the UK is not a
good place to be transgender in at the moment. There
is uncertainty(!) about our legal status and we are not looking forward to the
potentially catastrophic legal changes over the next few months.
In spite of that, being me - the woman I always knew I was is life-changing. My outside matching my inside and my body matching my soul are pearls beyond price. I know I've said this before, but now I see myself in the mirror, not a desperately unhappy, gender dysphoric stranger. I see a smile that includes my eyes. I am in a loving relationship with a man who sim[ly sees me as me. I have the right clothes hanging in the wardrobe. People around me treat me as the woman I am. I earned the degree that I would never have undertaken if I’d not transitioned. I have a fulfilled, rounded and happy life that is infinitely beyond anything teenaged me would have dreamed of. Life hasn’t gone the way I expected - it’s been far better.
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